Missing Puzzle Piece

There is this piece of me that's missing....

I can feel it every time I see couples kissing

Every time I see an elderly couple holding hands as they walk down the street.

Maybe I'm naive and adolescent for thinking this way

I want to find a true love. 

Someone I can wake up to every morning and say "I love you."

Someone who is caring, genuine, gentle, and compassionate

Someone who accepts my quirks and crazy moments

Someone who will just be there when I need them most.

I keep finding these people that I think will fit my missing piece

but I either end up finding that they don't fit at all...

or that they don't want to fill that gap, even though I feel like they could if they wanted to.

I want to be able to say years down the line that I found my perfect puzzle piece and in plenty of time.

But I feel like the more that I look, the more deformed the hole in the puzzle becomes

I fear that eventually it won't be able to fit a piece at all 

that I'll end up being a bitter person because of it.

I trust you Lord, just show me who I should show this gap to.

Help me to be the man you want me to be.

To only fall for that right person for me.

I don't want to hurt anyone else.

Someone Like You-Jekyll and Hyde

I peer through windows,
Watch life go by,
Dream of tomorrow,
And wonder "why?"

The past is holding me,
Keeping life at bay,
I wander lost in yesterday,
Wanting to fly -
But scared to try.

But if someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly 
Nothing would ever be the same!

My heart would take wing,
And I'd feel so alive -
If someone like you 
Found me!

So many secrets
I've longed to share!
All I have needed
Is someone there,

To help me see a world
I've never seen before -
A love to open every door,
To set me free,
So I can soar!

If someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly 
Nothing would ever be the same!

There'd be a new way to live,
A new life to love,
If someone like you
Found me!

Oh, if someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly 
Nothing would ever be the same!

My heart would take wing,
And I'd feel so alive -
If someone like you 
Loved me...
Loved me...
Loved me!...

You

When I think about you...

I feel warm inside

When I think about you...

I can see you smiling at me

When I think about you...

I can feel your arms around me

When I think about you...

I imagine you here beside me

When I think about you...

I feel your lips against mine

When I think about you...

It takes my breath away

When I think about you...

My heart starts to pound in my chest

When I think about you...

I feel like my world spins

When I think about you...

I wonder how you are

When I think about you...

I see someone I feel like I've loved for a long time

When I think about you...

I wish I could always be there for you

When I think about you...

I pray that I never would lose you

When I think about you...

I wish I could be with you till I take my last breath

When I think about you...

I can't stop thinking about you.

I need to remember this quote....

How could anyone be Pro-choice?

I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already. ... ... ... Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy. ... ... Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart. ... ... ... ... I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.
... ... ...
Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.

If you’re against abortion, repost.

Messiah College 2011: Welcome Week

Wow! these past couple of days have been hectic but awesome!!!!! I just moved into Messiah two days ago (Thursday August 25) and I've been having an amazing time!!! I've made a few new sophomore transfer friends and I'm really excited that I get to room with Troy Hanshe! He's an awesome God oriented kid. :)

So here is an overview of what has happened here at Messiah with me during welcome week so far....

Day One-
1pmish- Check-in at Messiah college/Move in/Eat in Lottie Nelson with my parents and sis.

Day Two-
7:40am- Get up and get a shower/ go eat breakfast

10:10am- Meet near Lottie Nelson before leaving for the Service Project (which was in Harrisburg for me, at the Shalom House.)

4ish/5pm- Get back on campus/go to Wally-World with my sister.

8pmish- Start making room look cleaner/organize my stuff.

9pmish- Leave dorm to walk between the Union/Rafiki House/The Loft/The South Side Cafe during the Campus Block Party.

11pmish- Come back and get lost in the dorm.

12:34am- Write this blog

12:39am- Go to bed

Here it is again...

No one seems to understand me. It seems like when I think I have a strong connection with someone they just end up hurting me or leaving. I know the only one who really understands me is God. I hate all these sad feelings that are coming back again. I hate not wanting to eat, not wanting to sleep, not wanting to be around people. But the only One who can change that is God Himself.