Moving to Indianapolis...

I can't believe it's almost here. I have threeish weeks till I move down to Indianapolis with Andy and I cannot wait. I am excited and scared but main ecstatic to be moving on my own (well semi-on-my-own.) So many things to do and so much to pack. Life is moving fast but I am going to move with it or else get stuck behind. Thank you Lord for being by my side through these past couple of months.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

The Spark I was missing

I guess the past is always going to come glaring back in your face at times. And there are always going to be wishes and regrets, but I found the spark I have been missing since I got into AMDA and I am going to go for my dreams no matter what it takes. I am going to step out on more ledges and try to get myself out there. I know that God know's what He's doing. I just need to trust in Him totally and then I will be in His will for my life. So, in the words of Little Women the musical..."Here I go, and there's no turning back. My great adventure has begun! I may be small, but I've got giant plans; to shine as brightly as the sun! I will blaze until I find my time and place. I will be fearless, surrendering modesty and grace. I will not disappear without a trace. I'll shout and start a riot, be anything but quiet, like Christopher Columbus I'll be astonishing, astonishing...astonishing at last!"

Life....where is mine headed?

Over the past couple of months I have been working at Chick Fil A, doing community theater shows, auditioning for schools, and searching for the school for me. It seems like all of these doors keep being opened to theater and none of them have led anywhere. I am trying to trust that God has a plan for my life. I just feel like my life is at a standstill right now as I live with my parents. I am completely thankful that they are letting my live with them, I just need God to help me find some meaning with my life right now.

I suppose everyone feels like this at some point in their life. I guess I'm just getting it now.

Thinking...

It normally gets me into trouble. I always overanalyze every situation. I can never be content. And it normally ends up ruining any chances at relationships. I honestly can't do long distance because I can't tell what a person is trying to say and the right emphasis or emotion through text. And so I always worry. I don't know. Maybe it just means I should stop trying and let things go. I feel so close to finding the right thing though. I don't know, maybe I'm just too hopeful.

What a day! :)

So today was my first day working at Giant Eagle, and I gotta say, I love it! It was a blast being able to connect with the kids/joke with them/hopefully teach them something. It's amazing to watch their minds work when you ask them questions. Some of these kids were sharp as tacks. I look forward to another awesome day watching kids tomorrow. :)

So In Love

Strange, dear, but true, dear,
When I'm close to you, dear,
The stars fill the sky,
So in love with you am I.
Even without you 
My arms fold about you.
You know, darling why,
So in love with you am I.
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there.
In love with my joy delirious
When I knew that you might care.
So taunt me and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I'm yours 'til I die,
So in love,
So in love,
So in love with you, my love, am I.

So taunt me and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I'm yours 'til I die,
So in love,
So in love,
So in love with you, my love, am I.

Love Never Dies

"Who knows when love begins? Who knows what makes it start? One day it's simply there; alive inside your heart...It slips into your thoughts, it infiltrates your soul, it takes you by surprise then seizes full control. Try to deny it and try to protest, but love won't let you go once you've been possessed." 
~"Love Never Dies" (Love Never Dies the musical)

Missing Puzzle Piece

There is this piece of me that's missing....

I can feel it every time I see couples kissing

Every time I see an elderly couple holding hands as they walk down the street.

Maybe I'm naive and adolescent for thinking this way

I want to find a true love. 

Someone I can wake up to every morning and say "I love you."

Someone who is caring, genuine, gentle, and compassionate

Someone who accepts my quirks and crazy moments

Someone who will just be there when I need them most.

I keep finding these people that I think will fit my missing piece

but I either end up finding that they don't fit at all...

or that they don't want to fill that gap, even though I feel like they could if they wanted to.

I want to be able to say years down the line that I found my perfect puzzle piece and in plenty of time.

But I feel like the more that I look, the more deformed the hole in the puzzle becomes

I fear that eventually it won't be able to fit a piece at all 

that I'll end up being a bitter person because of it.

I trust you Lord, just show me who I should show this gap to.

Help me to be the man you want me to be.

To only fall for that right person for me.

I don't want to hurt anyone else.

Someone Like You-Jekyll and Hyde

I peer through windows,
Watch life go by,
Dream of tomorrow,
And wonder "why?"

The past is holding me,
Keeping life at bay,
I wander lost in yesterday,
Wanting to fly -
But scared to try.

But if someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly 
Nothing would ever be the same!

My heart would take wing,
And I'd feel so alive -
If someone like you 
Found me!

So many secrets
I've longed to share!
All I have needed
Is someone there,

To help me see a world
I've never seen before -
A love to open every door,
To set me free,
So I can soar!

If someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly 
Nothing would ever be the same!

There'd be a new way to live,
A new life to love,
If someone like you
Found me!

Oh, if someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly 
Nothing would ever be the same!

My heart would take wing,
And I'd feel so alive -
If someone like you 
Loved me...
Loved me...
Loved me!...

You

When I think about you...

I feel warm inside

When I think about you...

I can see you smiling at me

When I think about you...

I can feel your arms around me

When I think about you...

I imagine you here beside me

When I think about you...

I feel your lips against mine

When I think about you...

It takes my breath away

When I think about you...

My heart starts to pound in my chest

When I think about you...

I feel like my world spins

When I think about you...

I wonder how you are

When I think about you...

I see someone I feel like I've loved for a long time

When I think about you...

I wish I could always be there for you

When I think about you...

I pray that I never would lose you

When I think about you...

I wish I could be with you till I take my last breath

When I think about you...

I can't stop thinking about you.

I need to remember this quote....

How could anyone be Pro-choice?

I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already. ... ... ... Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy. ... ... Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart. ... ... ... ... I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.
... ... ...
Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.

If you’re against abortion, repost.

Messiah College 2011: Welcome Week

Wow! these past couple of days have been hectic but awesome!!!!! I just moved into Messiah two days ago (Thursday August 25) and I've been having an amazing time!!! I've made a few new sophomore transfer friends and I'm really excited that I get to room with Troy Hanshe! He's an awesome God oriented kid. :)

So here is an overview of what has happened here at Messiah with me during welcome week so far....

Day One-
1pmish- Check-in at Messiah college/Move in/Eat in Lottie Nelson with my parents and sis.

Day Two-
7:40am- Get up and get a shower/ go eat breakfast

10:10am- Meet near Lottie Nelson before leaving for the Service Project (which was in Harrisburg for me, at the Shalom House.)

4ish/5pm- Get back on campus/go to Wally-World with my sister.

8pmish- Start making room look cleaner/organize my stuff.

9pmish- Leave dorm to walk between the Union/Rafiki House/The Loft/The South Side Cafe during the Campus Block Party.

11pmish- Come back and get lost in the dorm.

12:34am- Write this blog

12:39am- Go to bed

Here it is again...

No one seems to understand me. It seems like when I think I have a strong connection with someone they just end up hurting me or leaving. I know the only one who really understands me is God. I hate all these sad feelings that are coming back again. I hate not wanting to eat, not wanting to sleep, not wanting to be around people. But the only One who can change that is God Himself.

Saturday May 21st....The supposed end of the world....lol.

Ok, I've heard so much about this end of the world crap, so, to whoever made this whole thing up...."what were you thinking?" NO ONE knows when the end of the world is. ONLY God Himself knows that fact!!! It could be today, it could be a week away or it could be 20 years away. No one can know for sure, and anyone who says they know when the end of the world is is just trying to scare you or sell something. lol. The only way to be ready for the end of the world is to accept Jesus Christ (God) into your life as the only payment for your sins and as a personal friend.

If anyone is reading this and needs to know for sure they can say that they're ready for the end of this world, please feel free to email or facebook me. I would love to help you on your journey.

God Bless,
 Jon :)

My friend.....

I've been so worried about my friend Michael. This has been bothering me since the tornadoes in Alabama but i found out yesterday that he was hit in the back of the head and knocked unconscious. I'm so scared for him. I pray that God will protect him.

I love this song...

"Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight, let your memory lead you, open up enter in....if you find there the meaning of what happiness is, then a new life will begin."

Rescued Baby Hummingbird

OPENING NIGHT!!!!!!!

Opening is TOMORROW!!!!!! :)


^Click above for more Info^

Jesus Christ Superstar